this entry will officially close this blog of mine. it kept so much memories, and now that i have to let it all go in real life, i feel that i need to begin a new chapter in life. but i wont stop here. since writing is the only way for me to express my feelings, im just going to 'migrate' to some other places where i'll start writing about my new life. down there, i dont want to talk about my past. i just want to talk about the new me. but before moving on, i have a few last word to say.
to that special one....
im sorry for making things complicated for us. its been 3 days only, and its already enough to make me wake up from what you said, "fairytales world". maybe all this while i rely too much on you. but do you know why? thats only because i've never been so close to anyone before. i look at you as my pillar. something which i relies on too much whenever i feel like falling down. i dont know that its wrong.
im not quetioning you about your loyalty. never, never intended to. u took it the wrong way. because u never see from the girl's point of view. think of it. if i dont care or if i dont love you, i wont be bother at all. but its because i do care so much for u, that is when the feeling of insecure came to me. pls dont blame me. try to understand me. i went it thru twice before this. i really cant afford to go thru third time. because let me tell you, the feeling just really sucks. its like someone just take a parang and stab you rite at your heart. and for you to stand up and walk straight again, trust me, its gonna be very hard. very.
im trying so hard to understand your tight and busy schedule. i tried. but i admit that sumtimes i dont know why i find it very hard to. its not that i dont want to, but honestly, i just dont know why. maybe its true like what u said before, im 85% possesive. but i have 85 reasons why i am. pls try to undestand my dear.
the noon of the break-up, oh wait, not break-up but "time-off", you know what i was doing? i was attending a course at spring spore. and we went to paya lebar spore post for a tour. and as a souvenier, they gave us our very own personalised stamps. we were asked to bring our fav photo so that they can tranform it into a valid stamp. and i happily choose our alumnite photo together. i was feeling so excited about the outcome of the stamps. you know, like a small child waiting for a present from santa clause. thats how excited i feel. and at the end of the tour, they gave us our stamps. i hold on tight to it feeling so satisfied of the outcome. and i cant wait to show it to you. i was even planning to give half of the stamps to you for you to keep. but that same night, u ended everything. u said its better if we took time off the relationship. i took out the stamps from my bag and i silently cried myself to sleep. the next morning, i took the stamps and kept it in my drawer. when i open my drawer, i saw a card and a stalk of rose. from you to me on valentine's day this year. i read the card and this was what written on it:
"cinderella, dis card is nothin compared to the love i wish to profess, someday, when the time is ripe. it states friendship, but you mean more than just that to me. honestly sweetie, you are perfect for me... too perfect maybe... you're so sweet, adorable, gentle & cute. the flower may be plastic but it means our love wont rot and will stay intact. i love you, hanis! happy valentine's day!"
(p/s: i swear i quote every single word from the card.)
i then take the rose from my drawer, knowing that even 50 years from now, it will never rot. i look at the card and the rose and the stamps. and i put all that back in the drawer and close it back.
i was looking forward to celebrating my birthday with you. eagerly took my day off from work specially for that day. hoping to have a good nice time with you. but now.........im not even looking forward for my own birthday. this is the worse birthday that i'll have to go thru.
before i end this entry, below i have something for you...... something that comes from my heart..:
i cant take this anymore its tearing me up inside cause you wouldnt tell me why so you remained a constant thought throughout my days. i hate that you are doing this i saw you do it before i wont let this happen to us you cant push me away. you have already torn my heart in two the damage is done does this even hurt you or will this go right through? the loneliness i fear is starting to draw near cant be sure how i deal or how this loneliness will feel. all my hopes and dreams have been washed away into a rapid flowing red stream created by the bleeding of my broken heart. you said yourself we could last forever and now you cant even see us together i do not blame you nor am i mad for it was i who gave this heart with no shield. we talked about our future only because that's where we were headed we talked about our past and realised why others didnt last. i couldn't tell you what the future will hold you claim to be afraid of the unknown but i wasn't given the chance to ease your fears which is why i begun to shed this tears. i only want you to be happy if you cant be happy with me then i will have to respect that i was afraid of my heart being broken and now it has come true i just never thought breaking of my heart would come from you. that's all i have to say. goodbye everyone. i love you all. thanks for your time reading my blog. my new link will be at multiply. for those ficnatics of mine, pls change your link to: heartsnvines.multiply.com... my new life will begins there.
take care all and may god bless you.
{{ 12:37 PM -
Little Memories Of The Past
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haneyz
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